I know I haven’t written in a while. I guess I haven’t felt like I had anything original to say. Not that I’ve ever had anything truly original to say, but you know what I mean. I felt like I needed to write today though, which I haven’t felt in a long time. Actually, for a long time, I’ve pretty much exclusively felt like I’m living under water. Like Ariel! Or something.
Turns out, when you’ve had some scary health issues every October/November for the past two years, it can make you kind of an anxious mess. Also, turns out that it’s pretty hard to write when you’re like that. The idea of writing again started to prickle in my brain a few weeks ago, even though I still didn’t have anything to say, or know why I wanted to say it. But this morning was a good morning, and I woke up and blow-dried my hair (I know!), and texted my best friend.
Me (7:50 a.m.): Annnndddd I’m back!
Mel (7:51 a.m): Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!
Quick life update: I am healthy (you know, -ish, but still!), I still think gin tastes disgusting, I’m still a nut case, and I’m starting to own it. All of it.
See, for a little while, I’ve been letting things get to me in a very non-Me way. I didn’t feel like myself- I wasn’t- and they’ve been noticing. They being the family and friends who’ve selflessly stuck by me through the roller-coaster that the past few years have been – it’s been super fun, right?
I know what I want to say now. I want to write for them.
So, hey you, I wanted to write a friendly reminder that I love you a lot. That’s right, this blog is a love letter to you. Thanks for putting up with bad moods. Thanks for coming to doctor’s appointments and for worrying about me. Thanks for listening to me talk shit. Thanks for making me laugh. Thanks for encouraging really ill-advised behavior. Thanks for googling. Thanks for loving me back. Thanks for always forgiving me. Thanks for letting me figure out how to be how I am now and still be me how I’ve always been.
In a way, it’s also a love letter to myself. Not only cause you are all a big part of who I am, but to remind myself that it’s ok to be in a bad mood, and it’s ok to not bend over backward to be nice, and it’s ok to google (even though I personally do not recommend googling- guys, seriously, never google). It’s to remind myself, and you, that it’s okay to change, to be tougher, and sometimes more difficult; that we’re allowed to be weird; allowed to take time to figure out how who we’ve always been fits in with who we are now; and allowed to muck up the process of figuring out how to own it.
And even though I’m back–which you all noticed about three weeks before I did–still, thanks for making it easier.
P.S. Sorry this isn’t funny. I’m still funny. Okay, okay, I’m vaguely funny sometimes. I’ll bring that back soon, too.